Comparison Versus Contentment

A guy met one of his school mates several years after school and he could not believe his eyes; his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars. He went home feeling awful and very disappointed in himself. He thought he was a failure. What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver and had been sent to run errands with his boss's car.
.

.

.
Rosemary nagged  her husband always for not being romantic. She accused him for not getting down to open the car door for her as her friend Jane's husband did when he dropped her off at work. What Rosemary didn't know that Jane's husband car had a faulty door that could only be opened from the outside.
.

.

.
Sampson's wife went to visit one of her long time friends and was very troubled within for seeing the 3 lovely kids of her friend playing around. Her problem was that she had only one child and have been struggling to conceive for the past five years. What she didn't know was that one of those kids who was the biological child of her friend had sickle cell and had just a year to live; the other two are adopted.
.

.

.
Life does not have a universal measuring tool so create yours and use it.  Looking at people and comparing yourself with them will not make you better. If you knew the sort of load the chameleon carried, you would'nt ask why it takes those gentle strides. Enjoy what you have.

The Invisible Truth

A guy met one of his school mates several years after school and he could not believe his eyes; his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars. He went home feeling awful and very disappointed in himself. He thought he was a failure. What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver and had been sent to run errands with his boss' car.

Rosemary nagged  her husband always for not being romantic. She accused him for not getting down to open the car door for her as her friend Jane's husband did when he dropped her off at work. What Rosemary didn't know that Jane's husband car had a faulty door that could only be opened from the outside.

Sampson's wife went to visit one of her long time friends and was very troubled within for seeing the three lovely kids of her friend playing around. Her problem was that she had only one child and have been struggling to conceive for the past five years. What she didn't know was that one of those kids who was the biological child of her friend had sickle cell and had just a year to live; the other two are adopted.

Life does not have a universal measuring tool so create yours and use it.  Looking at people and comparing yourself with them will not make you better. If you knew the sort of load the chameleon carried, you wouldn't ask why it takes those gentle strides. Enjoy what you have.

Tappers And Listeners

In 1990, a psychology student at Stanford University, conducted an interesting experiment.  It was referred to as the "Tappers & Listeners" experiment.  The rest of the world first heard of it when the authors Chip and Dan Heath started talking about in public.

For her PhD dissertation, Elizabeth Newton invited her peers in college to participate in the study.  Each student was assigned one of two roles: 'Tapper' or 'Listener'.  The tappers were given a list of twenty-five popular tunes, such as "Happy Birthday to you" and "Jingle Bells".  They had to tap out the tune with their fingers on a table, and the listeners had to guess the song.  As you might have guessed, this was not an easy task at all.  Of the hundred and twenty times a tune was tapped, the listener could guess the tune correctly only thrice.  That's a success rate of about 2.5%. 

But here's the interesting bit.  Before the tappers began to tap the tune, Elizabeth asked them to predict the probability of the listeners being able to guess the song correctly.  The tappers predicted a 50% chance that they would be able to get the listeners to guess the tune correctly. 

So while they thought that they would be able to get the listeners to guess correctly one out of two times, the reality was that listeners could guess the tune only once in forty attempts.  How come?

Well, here's what was happening.  As the tapper taps the tune, he can hear the song playing in his head  His fingers seem to be tapping the tune in perfect sync with what's playing in his head.  And he just can't understand what the listener is not able to pick up such a simple tune!

And what about the listener?  Well, she doesn't have the tune playing in her head, without which, she has no idea what's happening.  She tries as hard as can to make sense of the bizarre Morse-code like tapping that she hears.  Alas, to no avail.  This results in utter frustration. 

As leaders, we often fall into the tapper's trap!  We give instructions which seem very clear in our heads but our colleagues may have no idea what we want them to do.  Has it happened to you that you called a young trainee to do some work, and when she got back the next day - having slogged all night to finish the task - you were disappointed?  She hadn't quiet done what you were looking for.  You probably felt a bit frustrated too, that she 'didn't quiet get it.'

The next time that happens, do remember that the problem is with the tapper - not the listener.  Because you knew what you wanted to get done, you assumed it was clear to the young trainee too.  That is seldom the case. 

The next time you are communicating with a colleague, think about the "Tappers & Listeners" experiment.  And remember, what's obvious to you may not be so to the other person.  When the listener says he doesn't get it, that's not a signal to get irritated.  It's probably telling you to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and try and be more explicit.  Don't assume that knowledge levels are the same. 

One more thing. Tapping harder or Tapping repeatedly won't make it any easier for the Listener!

(You will enjoy this related video here)

The Burning House

 

A man who has gone out of his town comes back and finds that his house is on fire.

It was one of the most beautiful houses in the town, and the man loved the house the most! Many people were ready to give double price for the house, but he had never agreed for any price and now it is just burning before his eyes.

And thousands of people have gathered, but nothing can be done, the fire has spread so far that even if you try to put it out, nothing will be saved. So he becomes very sad.

His son comes running and whispers something in his ear:

"Don't be worried. I sold it yesterday and at a very good price, three times. The offer was so good I could not wait for you. Forgive me."

Father said, "Thank God, it's not ours now!"  Then the father is relaxed and became a silent watcher, just like 1000s of other watchers.

Please think about it! Just a moment before he was not a watcher, he was attached. It is the same house....the same fire.... everything is the same...but now he is not concerned. In fact he started enjoying it just as everybody else in the crowd.

Then the second son comes running, and he says to the father, "What are you doing? You are smiling, and the house is on fire?" The father said, "Don't you know, your brother has sold it."

 
He replied, "We have taken only advance amount, not settled fully. I doubt now that the man is going to purchase it now."

Again, everything changes!!

Tears which had disappeared, have come back to the father's eyes, his smile is no more there, his heart is beating fast. The 'watcher' is gone. He is again attached.

And then the third son comes, and he says, "That man is a man of his word. I have just come from him. He said, "It doesn't matter whether the house is burnt or not, it is mine. And I am going to pay the price that I have settled for. Neither you knew, nor I knew that the house would catch on fire."

Again the joy is back and family became 'watchers'! The attachment is no more there.

Actually nothing is changing!
 

Just the feeling that 'I am the owner' and 'I am not the owner of the house' makes the whole difference.

This simple methodology of watching the mind, that you have nothing to do with it..Everything starts with a Thought !

Most of the thoughts are not yours but from your parents, your teachers, your friends, the books, the movies, the television, the newspapers. Just count how many thoughts are your own, and you will be surprised that not a single thought is your own. All are from other sources, all are borrowed ― either dumped by others on you, or foolishly dumped by yourself upon yourself, but nothing is yours.

Sow a thought, you reap an action.
Sow an act, you reap a habit.
Sow a habit, you reap a character.
Sow a character, you reap a destiny..!