What Do YOU Feel About This Blog?

03 September, 2009

The Wooden Bowl.........

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. 'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. 

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?'

Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.' 

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.

And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch, holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

24 May, 2009

Easy Education.....

From some archives, Railkar has dug out this question paper of the 8th Grade in 1895, and wow..... it's so ?????????????

..... .................... .......

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out...

Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina , KS - 1895

Grammar (Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.

2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.

3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph

4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'

5. Define case; illustrate each case.

6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.

7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time,1 hour 15 minutes)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.

2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?

3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. For tare?

4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000.. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?

5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs... Coal at $6.00 per ton.

6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.

7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft.. Long at $20 per metre?

8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.

9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?

10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a ReceiptU.S.

History (Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided

2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus

3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.

4. Show the territorial growth of the United States

5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas

6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.

7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?

8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)[Do we even know what this is??]

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication

2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?

3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals

4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)

5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.

6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.

7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.

8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.

9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.

10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)

1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?

2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?

3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?

4. Describe the mountains of North America

5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco

6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.

8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?

9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.

10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?! Also shows you how poor our education system has become and, NO, I don't have all the answers!

21 April, 2009

Problem Solving..........

This light hearted narrative was received from Benji, I think we can suitably draw a lesson out of it...... which is......."Every difficult problem can have a simple solution too".


“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared.. I think I'm going crazy.”

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the doctor. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?" I asked.

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," I said, and off I went to seek solace at my favourite watering-hole.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well," I said, "Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is an awful lot of money!" I said.

"A bartender cured me for $10, and I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new car!''

"Is that so?" said the psychiatrist in a bit of a huff. "And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "And in such a short time?"






He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - "Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

08 April, 2009

How To Stay Young

This 10 Point Formula, reiterated by Pratim through his e-mail, though well known and practical, is practised by very few of us. Still, it makes sense to write it down and have a look at it at regular frequency, as some aspects will surely get imbibed, sooner or later.

1. Throw out non essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'

2. Keep only cheerful friends.. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen.. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity..

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

05 April, 2009

Career Ya Stand???

This mail was received from Pratim, and has a very subtle message. Though it has the backdrop of the Army, I think it is equally applicable to most of the organisations. However, I was initially intrigued by the obvious spelling mistake in it's title - "Career ya Stand", as it was a mix of English and Hindi which was making it difficult to comprehend.

You may have heard the story of the young officer 40 years ago when he got a cycle loan and purchased one from the unit canteen.

The cycle was a beauty (the way mobikes/cars are today) but did not have a carrier at the back. So he sent his orderly to get one fixed.

When the cycle came back with the carrier fitted the Y.O. noticed that the stand was missing. He went to the CSD authorised cycle dealer and asked him why the stand had been removed.

He was patiently told, "Sahib ji, Fauj me ek hi cheez mil sakti hai- Career ya Stand. Agar stand loge to Career khatam or agar career banana hai to stand kabhi mat lena." (Sir, in the Army you can get only one thing...either career or stand. If you take a stand for something, your career will be finished.....and in case you want a career in the Army, then never take a stand)


To compliment this, I have this mail from Railkar telling us about the strange cricket wisdom, and the summary of the observation, which I would like to alter so as to correlate it with the 'cycle' episode.

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874,whereas..................
the first helmet was used in 1974.

Strange, it took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important!

My Theory - Man realised much earlier that b**** are more important than brain.

30 March, 2009

Marriage and Savings

Benji sent a nice mail. I thought, that as usual this will also have a 'jocular' end, but then I was in for a surprise Nice one.

Monica married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook, with a Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When something happy and memorable happens in your new life, put some money in it. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Monica shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.

This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage.
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica.
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali.
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant.
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted.
..... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Monica talked to her Mother: 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agreed to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record.

She looked, and looked, and looked.

Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.

When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000.

And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you through out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back in the safe......

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired?

I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone through all the good years in their life.

Inflate and Deflate

This mail containing another mail from Gen Surjit has been received from Brig Bhasin. I had earlier read about it when Gen Surjit had contributed in a professional journal, and I had been looking for it thereafter. Nice to see that it has now found place in management circles.


Dear Friends

The attached story was written in a light hearted manner. It is based on a real life experience and was first published by a news paper (I think it was The Tribune) as a middle article in 1990. But for the 'middle' format, I had to reduce it to 600 words, and so I had to remove even some essential details.

The response was overwhelming. Therefore, I converted it into a sort of a management case study entitled, "The ego-pressure theory of management" And that was published in a management journal. After that it appeared in several forms. But all that happened many years ago. Upon reading one of its versions, I find that the thought underlying this 'theory' is relevant even today. I have taken the liberty of picking it out of my 'recycle bin'

Please open the attachment if you have about ten minutes to spare.


This hypothesis was enunciated by my brother, AVM Manjit Singh



The literal meaning of the Punjabi word, ‘phook’ is air pressure. Metaphorically, it is used to describe an ego-state. Thus, if someone is hogging a lot of ‘phook’, he is ‘gassed’ or brash.

The year, 1988. Location : No 3 Base Repair Depot (BRD), IAF, Chandigarh
The little man who sat as the Air Officer Commanding (AOC) of the BRD was my brother. Our father found him bone lazy, incapable doing any strenuous work. But I suspect he was clever. The Air Force chose to overlook his sloth and let him rise. Now, having completed his course at the National Defense College , it was clear that he was going places. I had gone to the BRD to learn the rudiments of command.

As I entered, the two officers who were sitting in the office took leave of him. He sat there, completely relaxed. There was no paper in the two trays marked “IN” and: OUT” The customary “Pending” bin was conspicuous by its absence. The walls of the large office were bare. No bar charts, no performance curves. On the table, there was a small hand written paper, which my brother permitted me to see. It said,

“I hate work. Even if some one else does it”.

It was clear as crystal that my dear brother had not changed. I asked him how he managed such a large outfit. And he said, “Come, I will show you” And we set off for a ‘darshan’ of the unit. Wherever we went, people rushed to greet him. He had a word or two to say to every one. In most cases, he let his officers speak. He would then say just a sentence or two, and then move on. But I noticed that his tone was different each time. At one workstation, we saw a tall officer, who had a lot of charts and diagrams, and he gave us a detailed account of his achievements. The curve showed that the output of his shop had tripled since he took over. He was keen to give a lecture to the other officers of the BRD on the management techniques he had employed to achieve those results. My brother gave a cold look to him and said, “Yes. You can do that. But first you must improve the quality of your stuff. That gyro-stabilizer which failed in the flight test last month was overhauled here. Right? If the pilot was not alert, you would have his blood on your hands!”

Jesus! That six foot tall engineer suddenly looked like a pygmy, and his rose colored cheeks turned yellow, drained of blood, in less than a second!

We next went to another shop. The officer in-charge greeted us. But while he was speaking, my brother’s eyes were elsewhere. He noticed that a junior officer had hidden himself behind a chopper. As soon as the briefing was over, he went that way, and called that man out. He gave the meek man a light hug and asked about his ailing wife. The poor soul, who was obviously commissioned from the ranks mumbled something about the shortfall in his production, but the AOC was not interested in those details... The boss told him that he was one of the best officers in the unit and ended by saying, “I saw your son playing basket ball yesterday. I think he has a lot of potential” When we left, he clicked his heels and produced one of the smartest salutes I have ever seen.

All through the visit, I observed that my brother was less interested in technology and ‘output’ and more concerned about the officers and technicians he met. He knew an amazing number of names, and seemed to know all about their specific hopes and aspirations.

When we returned, I asked him what his job, as the Commander. He thought for a while and then he shared his “Phook Theory” with me. It was like Socrates talking to Plato and I find it more appropriate to recount the dialog verbatim. He taught by asking questions, and I sat like a little child answering as best as I could.

“When you are driving a vehicle, what happens if the tire pressure is low?”
“The acceleration drops, steering becomes hard and the fuel
consumption goes up”

“Right. You must inflate the wheels. Now what happens if the
pressure is too high?”

“The ride becomes bumpy, steering wobbles and an odd tire may burst”
“Correct. You must immediately pull up to a service
station and do the needful”

After a sip of the juice which had arrived, he said, “This unit is like a vehicle. I am on the driver’s seat. These officers are the ‘wheels’ of the vehicle. I have only two jobs, one to steer in the correct direction and two, to ensure that the ‘phook’ level of all my officers is correct, always and every time. So when I see some one down and out, I boost his spirit and if I find some one bumpy, I …” And to show what he did, he filled air in his cheeks and made a
hissing sound, ‘Phusshh…’

Through my mind’s eye, I saw that meek officer hiding behind a chopper get a hug and a tall management ‘guru’ cut to size. Like a little child, I asked him, “But, pray, how do you find whom to pump and whom to deflate?”

“Ah, well! That is what management is all about!” There was another pause, but after that, he became serious. He gave me the most profound lesson of that morning, “That is not difficult. One learns it through experience. The tough part is to keep my own ‘phook’ at the right level. I must not lose my equanimity, no matter what happens. And that is not always easy”

Just when I thought the lesson was over, he asked, “what is more important, technology or people?”
I looked askance, and said, “You tell?”

His answer was unusual. He said, “Technology is for the middle level officers. At my level, it is my colleagues.”

His parting words to me were the most profound. He said,“Management is all about people. If you do not like people, do not manage. Engineering has many branches, mechanical, electronics, chemical, aerospace and so on, but the one which is needed for my job is different. It is called, Human Engineering”


Armed with the ‘phook theory’ I assumed command of the famous ‘Five-O-Nine’ Army Base Workshop in Agra , in 1989. And immediately, I discovered the problem associated with maintaining my own phook in check. The star plate on the car; the traffic coming to a halt to let my car go; a reception at the Agra Club followed by a function organized at Hotel Clark Shiraz by a citizen’s forum to welcome me had a way of making me to believe that I had ‘arrived’. Some sycophants went on to say that no other commandant had been received that way; and that my posting was an event to remember for the land of the Taj Mahal. It needed a great deal of deliberate effort to keep my feet on the ground, The phook theory helped. I jotted it down and kept it on my table, as a guide. I also applied its tenets to my command, and believe you me, it worked!
Encouraged by the results, I shared this management philosophy with my friends The feedback which I received was positive, and so I began to believe that between me and my brother, we had discovered a new
management ‘mantra’
And then one day, the sky burst and the earth began to rumble.. A very dear friend who had taken these dictums as gospel truth, rang up to say that the theory had failed completely. He said he was in sh**. My enquiries revealed that there was a near mutiny in his unit. I requested a colleague to tell me as many details as he could get and then I sent the case study to the author of the theory for advice.

My dear brother took less than five minutes to respond. In a tersely worded note he wrote, “Tell your friend to check his pressure gauge. He seems
to be deflating people who have nothing left in their lungs
and pumping those who were already on the verge of bursting!”

26 March, 2009

Long Handle Spoons

This mail from Maninder, aims to highlight the importance of friends and helping attitude. Easy to preach, but difficult to practise in today's world.


A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ' God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

God led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand..' It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves....

25 March, 2009

Extend a Helping Hand

This popular first person story has been in circulation for quite some time now, and has again landed up on my desktop through Shankar Raman, for further circulation on the pretext of Friendship Day. However, I usually avoid forwarding mails in 'as is' state lest the motive of the spammers is achieved. Yet, it makes for a nice reading, with a nice message too!!!!!!!!

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.' They really should get lives. ' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'

There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! ' He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. ' Thanks,' he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..'

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions..... With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

24 March, 2009

Best Answers in UPSC Exam !!!!!

Benji, in his latest mail has forwarded this set of questions and answers, and has given credit for them mostly to IAS/IPS/IFS candidates. Yes, they can be imaginative, ingenuine but stupid. So, one wonders, if the thing is made up or factual.......................


Q . How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A.. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will become Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)

To this, I feel like adding this one:-

Son to Father (while filling an application form in school) - Papa, mother tongue?
Father (without bothering) - Very lo.....ng.

16 March, 2009

Funny Advertisements

I received these photos in a mail from Pratim, highlighting the glaring and 'dead'ly mistakes in spellings of English words: waise bhai woh meri maa boli thodi hai (well brother, it's not my mother tongue!!!). I really had a hearty laugh, as Amitabh said in one of his movies "English is a phunny language".

Let my vehicle remain 'dainted'
Very fishy ????
I am happy with my 'salt and pepper' look than the 'die' look

Clear fast like 'kangaroos'

Stop 'kissing the chicken(dead one)' on the dining table

Harry, I don't warry !!!!!
Yes, Nise cola is great tasting (but where are the crips?)
Do these 'chicks' lay eggs ??
25/24, lage raho mere bhai, tarakki isi mein hai !!
I am speechless.......
Adnan bhai, thodi si lift karade
Buhs !!! you are hiding behind which bush???
This is with love - for humanity
Do not try to look for a logic in this post !!!!
Charaivati, charaivati !!!!

Now, this is in connection with my post of 13 March. With little effort, I have been able to decipher the role of Slides No 1 and 3, whereas Slides No 2 and 4 are barely for misleading. The answer is then programmed in such a way that it will appear behind any door that you open first, and immediately thereafter the numbers behind the other two doors get changed (corresponding to the same colour of number chosen by us). I think I got it right...........................

15 March, 2009


God help those who get these 'quotes' in their appraisals, as suggested by Railkar:-

:--) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

:--) "His men would follow him anywhere, ............ .... but only out of morbid curiosity."

:--) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

:--) "This employee is really not so much of a 'has been', but more of a definite 'wont be'."

:--) "Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

:--) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

:--) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

:--) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

:--) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

:--) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

:--) "This employee should go far, ..........and the sooner he starts, the better."

:--) "Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

:--) A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

:--) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

:--) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

:--) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

:--) "He's been working with glue too much."

:--) "He would argue with a signpost."

:--) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

:--) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

:--) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

:--) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ........he's the other one."

:--) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

:--) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

:--) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

:--) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

:--) "Has two brains: One is lost and the other is out looking for it."

:--) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

:--) "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

:--) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

:--) "Its hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

:--) "One neuron short of a synapse."

:--) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled."

:--) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

:--) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

13 March, 2009

Guess the number!!!!!!!!!!

I got this mail from Jagjit, which had a link to this site - http://www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf

I found it quite amazing and all efforts to decipher the trick failed. Can any one help me out with the possible explanation. I thought it was something like the card tricks where five or six cards are shown to you in one slide, and then you are asked to select one of them. In the next slide, your selected card get's removed, trying to prove it magical. However, on close observation one realises that in fact, all the cards have been changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Voila.

12 March, 2009


For quite some days, this mail from Nikunj Goel is lying in my Inbox. It had also been received earlier (before I started this blog) from other friends, and at many places the mails tried to identify the said student with President Abdul Kalaam (the fact was not proved anywhere), but given his calibre, it may be true too.

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof : Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student : Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil? (Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat . We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, Sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, Sir. With all due respect, Sir, how do we then trust your lectures, Sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it Sir... The link between man and God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving and alive.

06 March, 2009

Garbage Truck.........and Others

There are three mails which I had collected over the last few days, but was not able to post (for so many reasons) and in the process forgot the contributors. However, I post them collectively today for reading pleasure and also to save on time. Next time, I do need to remember to give the due credit to the people concerned.

First One : The Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped into a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street.

The bottom line is that successful people don't let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so…"Love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don't."

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!


Second One : Ask The Right Questions

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray.

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion.

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to"

Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday.

Instead ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"


Third One: The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized"

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"